Simon Cowell Needs To Make A Lot More Money

$36 million a year for "American Idol" is OK, but I really need to make at least $100 million so I can afford to feed my family.

Simon Cowell 12:42 PM June 30th from Twitterberry

Jon & Kate Are Irate

Michael Jackson's death was a very sad story, but now nobody is talking about us anymore. It's just not fair!

Jon & Kate 4:44 PM June 27th

Michael Cera Is Not Funny

A dead man has about as much range as I do as an actor. Maybe I'm just not that funny. "Year One" is bombing and I must be the reason.

Michael Cera 7:00 PM June 23rd

Fathers Day Is Very Busy For Evander Holyfield

Shawn Kemp is on Easy Street. Since I have 11 kids with 9 different women I'm simply exhausted on Fathers Day. Can't Keep all my kids straight.

Evander Holyfield 9:09 June 21st

Hillary Clinton's Face Just Before Falling & Fracturing Her Elbow

I was just on my way into the White House & tripped over a jump rope. I'm really not very happy with Sasha and Malia right now.

Hillary Clinton 10:22 PM June 17th

The Latest From Professional Football Player & Waffler Brett Favre

I know 90% of all sports fans think I'm a publicity whore, but I don't care. I'm going to milk this as long as I possibly can.

Brett Favre 12:06 AM June 16th

Is Will Ferrell's Act Wearing Thin?

"Land Of The Lost" made how much this past weekend? Hmmmm...maybe I need to come up with a new act.

Will Ferrell 12:22 PM June 15th

Shaq Headed To Cleveland To Play With LeBron?

First I was the Big Aristotle, then the Big Cactus, and soon I could become The Big Mistake On The Lake.

Shaquille O'Neal 9:21 AM June 14th

Stan Van Gundy Rates His Performance In Game 4

Up 3 points with less than 10 seconds to go...maybe we should have fouled Fisher. I'm an idiot. What else can I say?

Stan Van Gundy 5:51 PM June 12th

Sarah Palin Is Fightin' Mad

You are a big meanie, David Letterman. Stop pickin' on me and my family.

Governor Sarah Palin 4:10 PM June 11th

Adam Lambert Is Gay: In Other News Grass Is Green

I know all my fans are shocked because there is no way to tell based on the sound of my voice and the way I dress & look.

Adam Lambert 8:04 AM June 10th

Kobe Bryant Relieved That Lakers Lead Series 2-0

At the end I just fuck it, I'm going 1 on 4. Hedo blocked it clean & Alexander almost made us pay with less than a second to go. A win is a win though.

Kobe Bryant 12:05 AM June 8th

La Russa Settles Suit With Twitter Over Fake Account

Tweet Of The Day

I won my lawsuit against Twitter! Disneyland? Hell no. I'm going to party with Scott Skiles...the only man in the world who smiles less than me

Tony La Russa 5:15 AM June 6th

Tony La Russa had been in the process of suing Twitter because a faux account "damaged his reputation and caused emotional distress." However, late yesterday afternoon the suit was settled with Twitter agreeing to pay La Russa's court costs and making a donation to his animal rescue foundation. I guess all's well that ends well. Here is a link about the suit and another one about the settlement.